My dream is beautiful

My life..I don't know what am I doing with my life. I feel like everything is falling apart. I'm confused, puzzled, and scared. I just don't know where to start it.

Well, after I've finished my SAT last Saturday, all I've been doing until now is watching movies and dramas. I don't know, I don't think I watch it for fun anymore. I feel like I am in the middle of escaping the reality world, thats why I watch those movies and dramas. Because in dramas, they make life looks so easy. Like everything's going to be fine, you don't have to worry about it. BULLSHIT.

I really want this. I really want to further my studies in the States. I'm very sure about it. But the thing is, I don't know..I'm not sure what I feel right now. It's not fair to say I'm not ready for it cause thats not the answer for this confusion. Maybe this whole journey is too difficult for me to handle. I know theres nothing easy in this world; I keep being optimist about the world, but at some point, I'm tired. Maybe I just want everything to be perfect. Thats why I feel so insecure.

I have been thinking about US University applications, and it drives me nuts. I just wanna get things done fast. I wish I could just fast forward the time until next year, I got to fly to the States and finally realizing my dream to study in Pennsylvania State University.

Yes, thats what my dream is now. Maybe I keep changing my goals, and my dreams: One moment I wanted to be a novelist, another moment I wanted to be a lawyer, then a doctor, an actuary. Maybe that what makes who I am. And at this moment, I want to further my studies in Pennsylvania State University, major in Logistic Management.

Yes, one day I'll be there..