I just need to accept it

So for the time being, it's confirmed I'm going to UiTM Puncak Alam. Yes, don't be too surprised, I don't get any scholarship. I didn't get MARA too (even though it's just a loan) . I did go to the interview, but I guess I was not lucky cause the place I sat during the interview was not strategic, I got to sit at behind, not that I want to make it as an excuse, I did try to point out my views, but there's this girl..she couldn't stop talking and making everyone there couldn't say anything cause she always interrupted when someone said something. Kinda rude, but couldn't blame her either. Also, during the interview, the panels asked each person a question. Basically, everyone got questions that related to Actuarial Science like why do you wanna take AS, what do you know about AS, what kind of job you would do, some sort of like that. But I got different question, wanna know my question? My question was "DO YOU LIKE NUMBERS?" Oh really? That question..I can't even elaborate more cause it's either yes or no. So I said yes. And she (the panel) asked "Why do you like numbers?" So I started to explain, but I guess it wasn't enough. Well, what do you expect? Do we really need a specific reason why we like something? The feeling of "like"..it's really hard to explain you know. You can have 1000 reasons to hate/dislike something but it's hard to give even 1 reason why you like something. I don't feel like sending a letter of appeal, cause I just think maybe this programme is not for me. Maybe this is for the best no matter how much I really want to go to study overseas. If I get MARA, I might going to U.S. Actually, I'm kinda scared to go there. I'm scared if I will be someone else, in the worst situation. Some might say, why am I giving up so fast? Hell no, this is not called giving up. It it's meant for you, of course you would get it right? Why didn't I get it at first place? Cause it's not for me. And this doesn't make me weaker, in fact, it's making me stronger. It makes me wanna study harder and prove to everyone that I can do better than those who got scholarships. The feeling of being rejected, I'm used to it. Since 2006, I got 5As in UPSR, and Muntaz (90% and above) for my PSRA, at that time, I really wanted to go to boarding school cause all my brothers went to VI, well at least I wanted to go to SAB, but I didn't get a chance. So I continued my study at SMK Seksyen 5. That time, I thought that it's okay, cause I still get a chance in PMR, I will prove to everyone that even I'm at sekolah harian I can still score .And I did it, I scored 8As for my PMR. I applied both boarding school -Sekolah Menengah Sains & MRSM. Again..I didn't get it but my cousin got offer from MRSM though he got 7As. My aunts and uncles were like, "Wow, he's so pandai, and all, got to go to MRSM blablabla" and I was like, what the hell is wrong with me? Why I didn't get it? Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, most of my cousins went to boarding school. Yes, I did feel left out. I was the odd one. But thanks to them, that statement made me stronger and made me study harder for SPM. Again, I wanted to prove to everyone that I can still score even though I'm studying at "normal school". Alhamdulillah, I scored my SPM. But unsurprisingly, I didn't get any scholarship. Somehow, I knew this would happen to me. Though I did put my hopes high, but it didn't crash me a lot. Maybe I'm already immune to situation like this. I would be a liar if I said I'm not sad at all, but I'm sort of feeling not to care about it. You know, when you feel..whatever. And guess what, my cousin got a scholarship and he's now studying at MMU (he got 8As for his SPM). So now my aunts and uncles are like "What? pergi UiTM je? Tak dapat any scholarship?" to me & "Wahh, bagusnya dia (my cousin) dapat scholarship, senang" to him. I told my friend about this and she said, I need to mandi bunga. LOL. But whatever the situation is, I need to accept what's there for me. God knows better what's the best for me. After all, He has given me a perfect result for UPSR, PSRA, PMR & SPM and I should be grateful. So I accept my fate that I will be studying Foundation in Science at UiTM Puncak Alam. Then, I'm planning to take Degree in AS. I will show to everyone that even I'm studying in Malaysia, I can score better. Maybe if I'm fortunate, I will only further my study Master of Science in Actuarial Science in overseas. Who knows... ;)